October 10, 2008

Yeah, I live

Apologies for being a horrible friend who doesn't keep in touch. Seriously.

Wow. I haven't updated here in about a couple million years. I think I need to write something, just to prove that I'm still able to. Seriously. I just haven't been keeping up with Facebook, or my own blog for a bit. Call it a thinking hiatus.

I realize that I didn’t write anything since my European trip - mostly, I got absorbed in the offline world and in Madrid - in Paris - in Luxembourg - in England. It was fantastic, and I moved on just in time to go to Aceh for my next assignment.

Aceh was alright - there were some pleasant moments with my team - I did manage to blog some then, thankfully so.

And then there was the summer leave during which I went to a family bash in France and got in trouble in England for being a bad packer. (Not a backpacker, though it could have been that too.) People, that swiss knife? Just leave it at home.

Then there was Haiti, again, otherwise known as Hell. I spent weeks and weeks locked up at work or in my room, waiting for it to be over - and still sort of traumatized by my English experience. I didn't update - I honestly had little to say or to tell. It was just a waiting time. Jachere. It was a good thing I had a long leave of absence planned after that.

So I had a long vaca - it wasn't lost, though. I made some decisions - mostly about ending my current gig, and going on to uni. I need to be in the world of Academia again. When I see those dorky professors and musty classrooms, I get all emo. So. Instead of going on like an idiot about how I need to change my life, I did.

I quit. I'm going back to school in January. One last gig, and I'm done with this slave trader of a boss. I admit, I'm going to miss my friends at work, though it's only a matter of time before they move on too - it always is in this business.

It's a big deal - it's my second degree, I know. I just need to be intellectually stimulated again. I want to think of Edgar Allan Poe's translations of Baudelaire. I want to reflect on the contruction of Finwean linguistics. I want to take time to write essays about how Jane Austen was repressed and how she is just like Madame de Cleves.

I'm going to be a lit professor.

Fuck joining the corporate world. It was never a life for me. It doesn't work for me, it never did.

And I also say, blah to trying to change the world. It's impossible - even the best intentions get twarped by politics. It's time to face the fact : I want to do things I feel like doing - not things that I have to do because I should fit in a mold.

I don't want a white picket fence.

I don't want 2.5 kids.

I don't want to give up my freedom just because it's a condition of being like everyone else.

I don't want to be like everyone. I want to be me.

In the meantime, I’m in Rwanda for another month and a half. I’ll live.

The Beaver
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