Introspective Post and Season's wishes

It’s a Tuesday afternoon, and I am not working. I just made eggs and toast for myself, jazz is playing in the kitchen, and the sun room where I am sitting is filled with the Toronto grey skies. It’s the first time I have in about a month to really sit down and reflect. It’s a scary thing. Last time it happened, I wrote a post called Cul-de-sac – and it was so very depressing and somewhat tragic.

This time – I am at peace. So much has happened between Cul de Sac and now. Last time I took the time to write an introspective post, I was in Haiti, sequestered, lonely, bored and depressed. This time, I am in Toronto, in one of my homes away from home, Pgwrox’s lovely townhouse where I have now been enough times to know my way around and feel at home. I am rested, sated, and somewhat content.

Christmas is coming round and I feel no fear, for the first time in a long time. Dad won’t be there, of course. CQFD will not be there either. My mum, PG and I will be celebrating the family thing together, as the tightly knit family that we are, despite distances.

My mum and I will be the 2 widows that we are, her in her own right, me…. in my own way. Last year, at this time, we were decorating the Christmas tree, CQFD and I, at his parents’ house. I was at peace, happy, in love. I felt like it was a day of days. I felt like that moment was immortal.

But all moments are immortal. And so while my 4 years with CQFD are suspended in time, so are my memories of my Yankee lover immortal, his warmth, and how I felt happy and at home in his arms, though I may never see him again.

And so timeless are the memories of my friend Naya, grilling red peppers while chatting with her sister at the other end of the world, and so are those of the Peacekeepers of Haiti, whom I may never see again but carry forever in my heart.

The Belgian crew in Bujumbura and the Philippinos in Aceh, and of course the orphans in Sierra Leone, the staff in Liberia and CMR & Princess, whom I met in Pakistan, now scattered in Zambia and Australia, my family in France and Canada, all of you will stay in my heart for ever.

All of my fellow officers are immortal. They are all unique and special and beautiful in their own way. And I love them all, in a way that is unique to them. I will miss them during this month of rest, and I will miss some of them more until I work with them again, sometimes 6 or 7 months from now.

This year has been a busy and eventful year. I have been ill. I have had my heart broken. I have also learned much and grown in wisdom and confidence through it all. Friends have died, and babies were conceived. Love was lost and friendships were found, built and nourished. Decisions were made, lessons were learned and through it all, the wheel of life kept turning, inexorably and timelessly.





So on the eve of Christmas 2006, may your time with your loved ones be rich, filled with love and may it remain suspended in time, shimmering and bright for you to remember, should hardship befall you. We are all immortal, timeless, evanescent. And all of you readers, may you find in this holiday season the power to love, forgive and to remember.

The Beaver

Belated post about my time in Baltimore

While I was in Baltimore, I enjoyed the illusion of actually having a normal North American Life.

I was blessed with a pleasant, well located apartment which I shared with Naya, my colleague and friend. The place was clean and well equipped as we had all the appliances in the apartment and many nearby amenities.

Every morning, we walked to work where we were supplied with breakfast, training, lunch and more training.

The training consisted of a deeper introduction to US federal regulations on awards, collaborative agreements and how they impact the management of an NGO’s projects, and what, as a compliance officer, I should be looking for.

The exercise proved to be both interesting and challenging. Interesting because this allowed me to meet a lot of people and to really further my understanding of the universe of American development organizations. It was also proving rather stimulating since it was a study of law, an exercise I had not conducted since I became a licensed attorney in may 2005.

On the other hand, I realized that my ability to listen to a speaker for 8 hrs a day every day did get hampered over the years. It's obviously not something I am used to doing anymore, and so I found myself often getting distracted or otherwise sleeping with my eyes open while in class.

Nevertheless, my life was not getting any boring. I spent a weekend in Washington DC with my good friend 007 whom I had not seen since March 2005, when she left Senegal for her assignment in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

I arrived in

DC’s Union station

on the Saturday Morning. My Lady 007 was there, and she was as lively and green-eyed as she was when she left for the DRC. We walked together in DC and I must admit, I fell under the charm of the Capital.


For the first time of my life, I saw

the monolithic Washington Monument

and the imposing Capitol.

I also had the pleasure of having dinner at a sushi restaurant in the very pleasant company of Ammo, a good friend of 007 whom I’d met in Senegal.

I am now back in Canada for 3 weeks and will not see my beloved Naya for 7 months, until our next assigment together. I will miss her dearly as we have been joined at the earplug (sharing the same iPod) for several months now.

The Beaver

My guest map is wonderful ! And you'd all be wonderful to post, all of you lurk mode readers!
Thanks and may the winds of Fate blow your way !

Back to Beaver Land

I left Baltimore yesterdau (much baking is going on here with my cousin/uncle/father figure - so it's not yesterday - it's yesterdough). I am now in Toronto where I am enjoying some heartwarming family time.

I have SO MANY updates to put up - it's frightening. But I'm not sure I'll have time just now. I'll just tell you that many things happened over the last 3 weeks - and that I have much to say.

Stay posted !

The Beaver

My guest map is wonderful ! And you'd all be wonderful to post, all of you lurk mode readers!Thanks and may the winds of Fate blow your way !

A libertine ?

This is a test which Xolo posted on his blog... I am SURPRISED of MY result.

Who would have thunk ?



I always though I was a very ordinary person, more of a cuddler than a libertine. Well, that goes with me being wild I guess.

Oh well. Friends, what do you make of this ?

The Beaver

My guest map is wonderful ! And you'd all be wonderful to post, all of you lurk mode readers!
Thanks and may the winds of Fate blow your way !

The Thanks Giving Update

So I went home for thanksgiving. It was great to see Mum again and to spend some quality time with her. We caught up a lot, walked in town for long hours, and eventually (as usual) went shopping.

We also went out to dinner with family friends. And I enjoyed a lot having some quiet time at home, just relaxing, sleeping and enjoying my "alone time".

After I arrived, SmokeyMonkey and Martini picked me up to go out for coffee and to play catch up. Apparently, they had news... and indeed they did: a new baby is to come in the world. I'm very excited about it because I calculated that delivery would happen during my summer vacation. Hopefully for once I will get a chance to congratulate the happy parents in person. (Although it may be a second since Bavaria_Negra may actually give birth on January 1st !)

I also hooked up with QuashQuash to discuss Haiti over a Bre-Lunch (her Breakfast, my Lunch). That was, indeed, an excellent omelette.

One night I got picked up by MartyMart and J-Freak to go and play pool with the boys. NikeNick and Yvanovitch-Mon-Coeur, SmokeyMonkey and Martini were there. Again, it was fantastic to feel the intimacy of friends. I even got big hugs and a back massage. They really made sure I had the chance to remember how fantastic it is to have friends. They also reminded me of how men can be wonderful despite my past disappointments.

There was also a fantastic evening at the Old Dublin with live Irish Music. MartyMart came, with Carlito and Yvanovitch-Mon-Coeur but I also hung out with the OtherBeaver and his beautiful Consort.

Eventually, though, all good things myst come to an end and I left Montreal again,

en Route to Baltimore by way of Toronto.

The flight to Toronto was rather uneventful, but I did almost miss my connection in Toronto as the airport's indication were more than misleading.

I purposely decided nt to talk about my flight from Toronto to Baltimore. That will b for another blog entry. Nevertheless, I made it to Baltimore where Naya, my roommate, greeted me very warmly.

More to come soon, or the stories of Beaver, in the city of Crabs !

The Beaver

Thank you Meg in Australia, for posting on my guestmap. My guest map is wonderful ! And you'd all be wonderful to post, all of you lurk mode readers!Thanks and may the winds of Fate blow your way !