August 11, 2005

Gratitude and junk food

I'm depressed. Today is a bit difficult. I have a migraine. I feel slightly useless. Most importantly, I feel despair creeping in through the cracks of my duck-tape sealed optimism.

The truth is, I've been trying since April to find something, but junior attorney positions are hard to come by in Montreal. Add to that the fact that we are numerous to be looking for something, and you get a depressed beaver on a Thursday afternoon.

I've always been about action, so not working is eventually taking its toll. I mean, I usually get by with ignoring my own emotions, but something happened today that overcame all my well-built defenses :

My mum !


Mothers are wonderful beings.

They love, care and tend to their offspring unconditionally.

They sacrifice, listen and take time to help their progeny without expecting anything in return.

They are the reason we become adults full of love and hope.

They unlock our carefully-packed emotions and make us loose all our wonderful containment.

God bless all mothers, they deserve our devotion and gratitude !

So now that I'm back in touch with how depressed I am, I need some help.
So tonight, Dave and I will bask in each other's presence, and indulge in horrible, horrible sins : tonight, I'm calling in the Terrible Three : Pizza, Ice-cream, and Angel's 2nd season.

Pizza will feed me and remind me of happier times.

Ice-cream will make me smile with the glorious pleasure of cold and creamy texture and irresistible flavor.

Angel will make me numb to any other thought that might make me cry.
Thank goodness for comfort food !


Tomorrow, I hit the mountain for a 3-hour long hike, and I'll hit the gym.
I need to counter the long-lasting effects of the Terrible Three.

The Beaver

P.S. Thanks Lewis, for posting on my guest map ! Little gestures like that do go a long way :)


Red Handed Jill said...

hi beaver,

sorry to hear you're having a tough day! i can imagine it would be hard to keep your spirits up through months of job hunting. i hope that the terrible three will cheer you up a bit! anyway i'm rooting for you.


The Voice said...

That post of mine was for you Beav.



The Voice said...

Into the Mystic <~~That post

Liquidplastic said...

Don't concern yourself Beaver .. you will get a job at the right time and at the right place ... when you least expect it!

Depression is not a bad thing if used with care. It awaken your creative forces .. so use it while you can, because the minute you start playing with your creative forces .. it leaves real fast.

I have never seen a baby's foot print on a mother's stomach like that before. Mines did a lot of kicking, but they never left a foot print. That's amazing! I enjoyed the post.

Beaver said...

Kate : Thanks for your kind words ! Indeed, the T-3 did their job :)

Joe : Thanks too :) That was a wonderful post.

Amias : Indeed. Actually, when I read this post to Dave (part of the evening ritual of worship to God Internet), he laughed and thought it was a funny post. So I guess it's possible to make something good and optimistic out of something sad and depressed.

I was kinda making fun of my own depression at the same time. Very relieving process.

Beaver said...

Amias : I forgot to add that I put that pic up as a tribute to all mothers. So that means it is a tribute to you :)

I thought is was very moving to see the baby manifest itself from inside in such a clear, visible way.

The ability to reproduce life has always amazed me.

the flyin fox said...

My comment didnt post! ahh well..sorry about you having a tough day...poor you! well noodles real name is nicole but she is practically addicted to noodles..thats the link really

anyway..thanks for my mention!

Liquidplastic said...

Thank you.

Salt Water said...

Us western people do have a problem with appreciating things from perspectives other than the useful ones. A thing, place, or event is not good because it is useful only. Sometimes they are just good. Ayla the Wonder Dog is really not useful at all, but we love and need her. She is a great joy to us, but she barks at the wrong time, she leaves hair everywhere, and she wants constant attention. I have tried to argue in our local newspaper for our forests, lakes and rivers being good in their own right outside of their usefullness, but we westerners are utility oriented. This is too bad. Here is my advise (this means you should stop reading now). The eastern person walks down an alley, sees a flower growing through the fense, gets down on his/her knees, admires it, smells it and leaves. The western person walks down the alley, sees the flower, rips the flower from the fense, smells it, looks at it, throughs it down on the ground and leaves. Most employers are westernminded. Maybe you should employ yourself. You are at the least "Amazing".

cityangelz said...


What a day.. Its better now though isn't it?? Haha.. I wished i could have joined you.. That was 3 things i'd love to do too..

Beaver said...

Lewis : No prob :) Thanks for being so kind ! Noodles is a cool nickname.

Salt Water : I'm considering starting my own practice. But being a junior and not having material ressources handy to do so, I'm keeping this solution as a last resort.

Siti : T-3 can be addictive, can't it ? Would have loved to hang out with you...

Salt Water said...

Just a quick note. No one starts a business when a high paying job with great benafit is available. I started and ran Reno Tire Repair after having bought a house. My job had failed, the wifes daughters were home and I needed money. This was a terrible time to buy tools and equipment, but it was also a bad time to have no income. So I just started. Three years later I was actually to big to continue without major changes. Don't be afraid. Make it happen. You are beautiful, amazing, fun to blog with and probably as smart as God's smarter Sister. Good luck oh Great One.

Victoria said...

I'm sorry to hear that you felt glum... I wish I could have been in Montreal to cheer you up! When I come back, we should definetly meet up. Go see some artsy movie and laugh about it later, or something :) Or I happen to know where you can find the city's best ice cream...

Beaver said...

Salt Water : You do have a point and I've been making it to myself for a while now. Dave and I are looking at some options, including larger living quarters so I can have an office for my practice.

I'm not in dire straits yet, so I have a bit of time ahead of me before I make that decision.

Vick : hehehe :) Bilboquet :)

(reminds me of a little story I need to blog about eventually)

I truely would love to meet up with you... I'm sure you're now a true Montreale and honorary Canadiabwahaha :) It'll be cool to hang out with you.

Victoria said...

:O Why it IS billboquet! Did I blog about it? Tell you about it? Or are you just in the KNOW?
Funny story about how I discovered it: my friends and I were looking for Outremont to buy some concert tickets... we took a walk and got seriously lost (went all the way to Cote des Neiges, can you imagine?)... 4 and a half hours later, cold and exhausted, we FINALLY find Outremont... and billboquet! Despite the cold, we decide to splurge (hey... we deserved it), and BAM-- discovered the best ice cream in Montreal!